The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/07/09
You narrated well the shocking episode in the store and the responsible nature of the MC comes across loud and clear. As you started your story with the grandson, I was expecting you to loop back to his take on his 'interesting' grandmother.
08/12/09
Hi Renee. I saw you bricked after me.

Welcome to FW. Your story is all too true. A young teen that suddenly felt the loss of her youth and is thrust into adulthood is so sad.

You asked for a little bit of critque. While I am not usually very good at remembering all the rules of the art of writing, I do remember which ones to avoid. For your next entry, try to avoid too many 'ing' words. This would be "telling not showing" your story. When you "show" it makes for a stronger story. Also, avoid the word 'was' for the same reason.

If you go back through this entry, try to restructure the 'ing' sentences for practice. Find more creative ways to 'show' us what happened.

I hope that helps, and once again, welcome to the FW challenges, you will be hooked. ;)