The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 437 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
07/31/09

Very descriptive and imaginative. Good handle with grammar. The MC has terrific endurance and grit.

I am puzzled as to what sport this woman is working. With so much variety at play now, it's hard to tell what sport.

Good intro for longer story.
Nice smooth read!
07/31/09
Thank you!

I wanted to comment as to what sport this woman was working. I left it purposely subtle for 2 reasons: 1. so that more people could relate to it and 2. because it had more than one inspiration.

The first inspiration was pro-wrestling, because I live in an area where it is really popular and grew up in the same area close to where Rick Flair lives. So I know many avid fans of pro-wrestling. But I wanted it to have more of a real feel to it. And my boyfriend is a HUGE UFC fan, and 'encourages' me to watch from time to time with him. When I watched, I was inspired by a fighter by the name of Matt Hughes who is always gracious to his opponents, gives them honor win or lose, and always ALWAYS gives glory to God for the strength to do the sport. So it is mainly inspired by ufc-style fighting. However, there is even another inspiration here, and that is the everyday work of women in male-dominated fields. A good friend of mine from high school and I got into a conversation about this, and it kind of sent my mind in this direction.
07/31/09
In addition, I wanted to add, but wasn't sure how many characters I had to work with here, I had a part in the story where it expanded more on Jack and his Christianity, but I had to unfortunately take it out due to word constraints...however, in a way, I like the story better with fewer word and without this excerpt, but here was the original part that had to be taken out: She had sometimes wondered why Jack even fought at all. He wasn’t
your typical fighter. Jack was a Christian, and she wondered why a
Christian man like Jack would come and fight in a sport that had a
tendency to get so violent and bloody, in spite of the attempts at
making it a legitimate sport and not allowing anyone to die while
performing in it. She had watched as Jack had held pre-bout
devotionals with his coaches, refusing to discuss the regular stuff.
She had watched as he had prayed with his coaches, insisting upon
prayer before every fight. She had watched Jack’s kindness to his
opponents after every fight, and the grace at which he handled every
fight. And after every fight, win or lose, he gave honor to his
opponent, recognized his opponent’s achievement, and thanked God for
the ability and strength to fight.

She liked Jack as a person. Although she was not a Christian and
couldn’t relate to him on that level, she appreciated how he handled
his opponents, and respected him for his greatness in the ring. One
show, after a series of fights, he walked quietly back into the main
locker room and went to his locker, got a Bible out, and prayed. She
was trying so hard to get out of there quickly, as she had things to
do, but he came up to her. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” he
asked. “Yes,” she replied, because she knew how great he was and
figured it was an honor. “Do you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your
personal Lord and Savior?” he asked. “No,” she replied, “I don’t
even know what you’re talking about.” “Well, I can see you’re in a
hurry,” he started, as he saw the speed at which she was gathering her
things and trying to scurry out the door, “but can we talk about this
some other time?” “Yes, sure thing. I am sorry, I’m not trying to be
rude, but I really have to go. I have other things to do.” She said.
“No problem. I just noticed you were in a rush and didn’t want to
hold you up.” He said.
What a nice guy, she had thought as she hurried to her car to make the
fast getaway. He was always so thoughtful and considerate. She
always meant to have that conversation with him, but hadn’t had the
privilege of running into him again. She hoped he didn’t think she
was avoiding him. And then came the injury that took her out for
nearly an entire year. (in fact, this was a very difficult decision for me to make, what part to take out...but it just flowed better when I took this part out and not any other, so I almost had to choose this particular part to take out)
08/01/09
Pretty impressive for a woman to go intot the ring with a man. My hat's off to her. Good read, keep writing!
08/04/09
good peice. I thought it was wrestling! If you had given the woman a name it would have made her more real and meant that there would be less "she" in it which although good to emphasihe the woman in the male world. I did not like the second sentence about the adrenaline and the vomiting of 5 days suppers??? I found it confusing and so interupted the flow at the important begining.
I know how hard it is to keep in the word count. I always write too much and then cut down. Why not put the longer story into the critics circle for some comments and feedback.
Finally I dont think the spring theme is strong enough !