The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
07/23/09
Oh, great story. You had me on the edge of my seat in the middle.

Be careful of small contradictions. You say "I was unaware I was in the wrong street." If you're unaware, you can't know you're at the wrong street. :) Try something like "Until I heard the voice behind me, I had been unaware I was on the wrong street."


Again, you have a great story here. Keep up the good work!
07/24/09
This story kept the reader's interest, although I am confused - one minute he's in the car with dad and his brother and the next minute he's looking for some party. Perhaps it was me! Otherwise, good story. Laura
07/27/09
thank you I really liked the first section of this story the teen and his dad.I found the second part came abruptly and didnt seem to tie into the first. My suggestion for developing your fine well written first section would to have been to take the dad and his thoughts about the teen while the dad is driving in the car. This would have been a good contrast