The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I love the plot of this story.

Be careful of tense changes in the middle of the story.

Great job overall. Keep writing!
so sad. I can feel the mums despair and worry for her son. The ending and the begining are great. The middle could have done with a little editing and tyding up but such a good example for the theme.Congatulations
I really liked this story...points to a great truth about the importance of a father's presence to keep a family together.Needs some editing but very good.
Practice in writing will smooth out the language. But you are on the right track in crafting the story. Wonderfully so. Maybe someone could read your work over. I always have that final check from another. It's a great help!