The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/23/09
I love the plot of this story.

Be careful of tense changes in the middle of the story.

Great job overall. Keep writing!
07/27/09
so sad. I can feel the mums despair and worry for her son. The ending and the begining are great. The middle could have done with a little editing and tyding up but such a good example for the theme.Congatulations
07/27/09
I really liked this story...points to a great truth about the importance of a father's presence to keep a family together.Needs some editing but very good.
07/29/09
Practice in writing will smooth out the language. But you are on the right track in crafting the story. Wonderfully so. Maybe someone could read your work over. I always have that final check from another. It's a great help!