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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Adolescence/Teen Years (07/16/09)

TITLE: The Shaping of Those Precarious Years
By Nikki Rosen
07/22/09


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Shortly after I turned thirteen, my mother died. She had been sick for a number of years having been diagnosed with breast cancer when I was nine. I had watched her become more and more frail as time went on. She had wanted so much to live and I remember how hard she fought to maintain her life. Eating became difficult. She had no appetite. Her body weight dropped dramatically. She didnít looking like my mother anymore. She seemed more like a skeleton with her eyes protruding from their sockets, her cheeks sunken, her face gaunt and her arms and fingers boney. Confined to her bed, she needed assistance with everything, something she hated. She had always prided herself on being strong and independent.

The cancer slowly ate away at her body weakening it until she had no more strength left to fight. She finally succumbed to the disease and passed away at a time in my life when I desperately needed a mother.

At thirteen my body was changing. Boys were noticing me and I them. I worried about the state of the world and wondered what life was all about and what my purpose in the grand scheme of things were. But I had little time to reflect on the normal teenage concerns. My mother was dead. She had been the glue that had held our family together. A year earlier my beloved grandmother had passed away in her sleep. As I entered my teenage years, life had become very precarious. I was scared. The people I loved were being taken from me. I felt like my world had fallen apart.

My older sister escaped to her friendís. She was rarely at home anymore. My father stayed away for days on business trips. When he did come home, he kept to himself or lashed out in anger and frustration.

I felt lonely, lost and scared. To try to find solace for the emptiness I felt inside, I turned to drugs. At first I took a few pills each day. I got them from a friend at school. Soon though, I was shooting up and before long, I had become addicted and needed them to just get through the day. The drugs made me feel exhilarated and they gave me an instant group of friends who made me believe I wasnít alone anymore. Unfortunately, I couldnít see the down side of what the drugs were doing to me. I wandered around in a fog. I often had difficulty distinguishing reality from unreality and thoughts of suicide played over and over in my mind.

Eventually I found my way back to myself but it took a long time. Those teen years were ones I wouldnít want to repeat again. I had mistakenly believed God hated me and wanted to hurt me, yet it was through Him I overcame the drug addiction and got my life back on track.

Loosing my mother when I was a young teenager and having no one to lean on for support and comfort, put me at risk for suicide. I live with tremendous gratitude. Had it not been for Godís hand on my life, I may not be here today. Those teen years were ones that shaped who I am. They made me strong and taught me compassion for others. The period of adolescence should be at time of fun. parties and enjoyment of life. but for some of us itís a time of growing up quickly and learning to stand on our own. It was during those tumultuous teen years that I learned how faithful God is. He allowed me to go through that path of pain and heartache but He walked with me and saw me through it.


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Member Comments
Member Date
diana kay07/27/09
thank you. Such a touching and poignient tale. Not a typical teenage experience but written from the heart. Your real story perhaps rather than fiction. It cetainly rang true. If so it must have been painful revisiting your teenage experiences.