The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/20/09
Neat parallel between that hot summer and your desert soul during that time. Nice descriptions.
07/21/09
I really enjoyed this short story. I sat here thankful that I don't live in that kind of heat. Your imagery was great. I liked the way you worked their lack of salvation into the story. Thank you for sharing this well-written story.


Sounds like a long, hot summer you two experienced! You ended your story well, and thank you, Lord, for two more souls in heaven.

The beginning and middle of the story is a bit scattered. Perhaps some editing there would make for a smoother read. Great on grammar and spelling. Keep the smiles in your writing too!
07/21/09
You have some good phrases and descriptions in this piece. It tended to ramble, though. Always read your writing aloud to hear it the way a reader would read it. Keep honing your craft. This piece has potential.
I can't even imagine 114 degrees in the shade! This is such a wonderfully descriptive entry that I left it to go for a cold Pepsi. I truly did! Seriously, I like your style and I love your word choices. Big time kudos!
The ending was the best part of this. The beginning made me laugh to think of frying an actual egg. Lol. Cute and nicely done.