The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
07/20/09
Neat parallel between that hot summer and your desert soul during that time. Nice descriptions.
07/21/09
I really enjoyed this short story. I sat here thankful that I don't live in that kind of heat. Your imagery was great. I liked the way you worked their lack of salvation into the story. Thank you for sharing this well-written story.
07/21/09


Sounds like a long, hot summer you two experienced! You ended your story well, and thank you, Lord, for two more souls in heaven.

The beginning and middle of the story is a bit scattered. Perhaps some editing there would make for a smoother read. Great on grammar and spelling. Keep the smiles in your writing too!
07/21/09
You have some good phrases and descriptions in this piece. It tended to ramble, though. Always read your writing aloud to hear it the way a reader would read it. Keep honing your craft. This piece has potential.
I can't even imagine 114 degrees in the shade! This is such a wonderfully descriptive entry that I left it to go for a cold Pepsi. I truly did! Seriously, I like your style and I love your word choices. Big time kudos!
07/22/09
The ending was the best part of this. The beginning made me laugh to think of frying an actual egg. Lol. Cute and nicely done.