The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/17/09
I really like the twist at the end of your story! Even before that, I was enjoying a language not familiar to me. Your story is well written; however, I would suggest that you make certain when you copy and paste that the paragraphs have two spaces between them. To me, it takes away from a smooth read. Other than that, I think this is a very good story. Thank you for sharing. Blessings, Laura
07/17/09
Forgot to mention that the second quote marks always are on the outside of the punctuation. Laura
I just wanted to read some of your other work. You have a real knack for this. I could feel that internal fight within yourself to explain the terms for us ignorant Americans. I think it would have helped the story flow smoother had you just gone with the slang that the MC would use and then at the end put in an author's note that gives the definitions. I also wanted to point out that I love Laura dearly but you were correct with the punctuation because the times it fell outside of the quote marks were times when you were using the slang so you would have been correct in those cases. I also thought the ending was great twist.