The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/18/09
Nice descriptions, especially of the Endeavor Tea.

Just my opinion, but I think you focused too much on the desire to swim, when the Tea was meant to be the real focus..

I could feel the girl's sadness
07/18/09
I really liked this peice and I think the desire to swim and the resolution with the pot luck tea was lovely. I did think it was balanced and I loved the relationship between the small child and her Mum. A few typos and punctuation in the wrong places. i.e you wrote Treasures instead of Treasure's in one place and there was only one little girl!! Keep writing It was beautiful and such an unusual name!