The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 350 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
06/05/09
I really liked the story. I kept thinking of a Huck Fin type environment. And I'm not trying to be picky but it seemed to fit sweet/sour than bitter/sweet. But it was well written story that had me engaged througout! Thanks
08/25/09
Hey, thanks for another helpful critique, Elisa! I think you had some good points and I'll consider changing things. However, when I said "love wisdom like a sister," I meant to say it that way because I heard that expression in Proverbs or... somewhere.

Wow, I'm surprised I haven't read this story yet. It's quite good. You capture the thoughts and emotions very well and use a creative comparison to green apples and the love and sadness. When Kim and Tyler where lying in the grass and kissing there was a part of me that was thinking "Ah! You shouldn't be doing this if you're not married! You're crossing a line here!" Ha, I'm such a romance killer aren't I? It was very good. I wish I could write poems and short stories like you do.

God bless you too and happy belated birthday! But I hope I don't get "everything" I want though because I don't want to be spoiled lol. See ya.