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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Bitter and Sweet (05/28/09)

TITLE: Like Granny Smith Apples
By
06/02/09


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They sat outside in the country lane, him and her. They licked the sweet apple juice from their hands and fingers, picking apple after apple off the trees from the forever rows of orchards. Bumble bees and humming birds buzzed by in the summer winds; I watched him as he climbed to the highest branch, laughing as he went. I followed close behind, pulling another green apple out of the branch and biting into its skin, the juices potent in her mouth, tart and delicious.
“We ain’t got much time left together, Kim,” He looked down at her through the tree leaves, his brown eyes so noticeably dark and handsome.
“I know, Tyler,” she said taking another bite into her red apple. The branches began to sway in the breeze, leaves rustled with the late afternoon sky. “I’m gonna miss you, Tyler.” She said solemnly.
Minutes of unspoken silence passed between them; they stood on the branches looking out at the rows of apple trees that lined the country road far off over the horizon. Tyler nimbly jumped off the tree in bare feet. Desperately, Kim climbed down and chased after him, afraid she’d lose him forever.
“Wait, you’ll come back, wont cha?”
Tyler grew silent. “Tonight. Like we promised?” She nodded, remembering what they had promised earlier. He pulled her into a hug, kissed her cheek, saying, “Tonight. I’ll come for you tonight.”
Even though Kim knew his words and warm hug had been meant for comfort, she couldn’t fathom the idea of him not being around anymore. She was angry at his parents for moving; he’d been the only friend she’d ever known. And now she was going to lose the only friend she’d ever made. She waited, curled up in the covers, for him to throw a rock at her window, for a sound, for his voice, anything. The hours felt endless, and the longer she had to wait the more anxious and frantic she grew. She began to cry, feeling suddenly unloved and unwanted by her only friend.
How could he not come for me? She questioned herself over and over throughout the night. As she was being lulled into sleep, a tap came from her window. Pushing off the covers, Kim immediately went to the window. She opened it, elevated herself out, relieved and also excited to see Tyler. He looked sleepy, at first glance. He smiled, giving Kim reassurance of their midnight expedition.
They walked together through the fields; together they walked beyond the orchards to a steep hill. A hill they were both familiar with. They lied down in the tall, musty scented grass, looking up at the twinkling constellations. Kim didn’t want to forget this togetherness, this moment.
“Tyler, will you come back?”
He looked deep into her eyes, “Maybe.” He pulled his arms around her, breathing in the sent of her hair and curling his legs around her hips.
“I don’t want you to go.” She spoke softly, her voice growing quieter.
“I don’t want to go either.” He said honestly.
Kim pulled out a Granny Smith Apple, he looked at her revealing a small, sheepish smile. “Want to share?” She gestured.
He nodded saying, “okay, one last time.”
It wasn’t long before they’d bitten the green apple down to its core, still chewing; Tyler cupped his hands into her face, kissed her fiercely, hungrily. The sour apple was devoured, the kissing almost never stopping; the caressing only enhanced the passion.
“KIM!”
Quickly, they both scrambled to their feet. Embarrassment and confusion flushed over both their faces, knowing that Kim’s father had seen their make out session. Kim’s father yanked her arm, pulling her far away from her Tyler. Tyler, looking at Kim being dragged off into the distance, smiled at her. He grinned the biggest the smile Kim had ever seen. Kim saw the message in his eyes; I’ll never forget you Kim Sander.
Kim remembered bending over the kitchen counter as her father pulled out the leather belt. She felt the piercing pain shot through her legs and rear-end, even though it hurt like hell, Kim smiled inwardly knowing that the sweetest moments in life are just like Granny Smith Apples. Sour. Yet, delightful.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Stacy Wells 06/05/09
I really liked the story. I kept thinking of a Huck Fin type environment. And I'm not trying to be picky but it seemed to fit sweet/sour than bitter/sweet. But it was well written story that had me engaged througout! Thanks
Jacob Gibson08/25/09
Hey, thanks for another helpful critique, Elisa! I think you had some good points and I'll consider changing things. However, when I said "love wisdom like a sister," I meant to say it that way because I heard that expression in Proverbs or... somewhere.

Wow, I'm surprised I haven't read this story yet. It's quite good. You capture the thoughts and emotions very well and use a creative comparison to green apples and the love and sadness. When Kim and Tyler where lying in the grass and kissing there was a part of me that was thinking "Ah! You shouldn't be doing this if you're not married! You're crossing a line here!" Ha, I'm such a romance killer aren't I? It was very good. I wish I could write poems and short stories like you do.

God bless you too and happy belated birthday! But I hope I don't get "everything" I want though because I don't want to be spoiled lol. See ya.