The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/04/09
A very interesting piece, but a little hard to follow-some spaces would make for easier reading, I kept trying to figure out who was who and ended up reading very slowly to make sure I "got" it.

Good job though.
What a beautiful way of connecting his sacrifice to our everyday turmoils.
06/10/09
A good powerful peice of wrting. I agree that spliting it up into paragraphs would help and sometimes I too lost which "he" was being described, the centurion, batameus or Jesus.
The content is good and the idea of timewarps as well. Maybe reading the peice aloud to someone else before you submit it would help? You obviously have it all clear in your own mind and so need an objective assessment. Keep writing you have an original an interesting style and I look forward to reading more!