The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/01/09
Great title--there sure were a lot of secrets in this story!

It confused me quite a bit, and I'm sure not excatly sure of the timeline, and the ending. One thing that would help would be the use of quotation marks for dialogue--and don't assume that your reader knows everything that your characters do; you have to explain some things to us.

I think the ending indicated that forgiveness had occurred (I hope I'm right)--a nice way to redeem your characters.
06/01/09
Interesting...
I was a little confused at the end. Who was Thomasina?
It would help to use more punctuation marks.
Keep writing and learning.
06/04/09
I like the descriptive writing but I got a bit lost with all the cars and then in one setence Tom is driving one car and then the answering the door? The jumping around in time made it a bit complicated and I probably need to read it though several times to understand it!
The first sentence in the third? paragraph does not make sense. I think maybe you edited it. Good stuff though.