The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/28/09
"Your Word is more than light, it is an outstretched hand.
To pluck me from impending death, to draw me closer still"

I love this. Very good depiction of the light changing/saving us from darkness
06/01/09
I like the several 'light' images in your poem.

A tweak of the meter would help this to flow more smoothly.

This reads like a modern-day psalm--nice!
As was previously mentioned, it reminds me of a modern Psalm. Well written. Nicely done!
06/03/09
Nicely done. I liked the third verse the best! Thanks for sharing this-and I like how your title fits.
06/03/09
Enjoyed reading your poem of hope. I especially liked the "flicker" line. Thank you for sharing.
06/03/09
This inspired rhyme seems pregnant with truth. Thanks for sharing your gift. Colin
06/03/09
This addresses the topic very well, and has a wonderful message of hope. I particularly like this line: Your Word is more than light, it is an outstretched hand.

Notice this: as the poem continues, the stanzas reach farther and farther to the right. This (generally) means that your meter is changing through the poem. Try to keep the meter constant (same number of syllables in the same line per stanza) through a poem, and using the visual cue of the way it lays on a page can help you do this.

This poem is AB, CD (first and second lines rhyme, third and fourth lines rhyme). Try AC, BD, or even BD only for a rhyming scheme--it will probably make the poetry come more easily to you and be easier for the reader to read.
06/03/09
This gets better with each stanza. I think my favorite line is "Your Word is more than light, it is an outstretched hand." Nice job!