The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/30/09
I really like this story. At first it seemed that the successful girl was in the light and the depressed girl was in the dark, but then the truth of it came out. They both were in the dark apart from Christ. I like that even though they were from different worlds, their path was going in the same direction--from the darkness to the light. I think you did a good job depicting this.
05/31/09
Good job at contrasting two people, but also showing that they were both equally lost.

Sometimes I lost track of whose story I was reading...I wonder how it would read if you did Josie's story in its entirety, and then Mary's?

I enjoyed this--a very nice read.
06/03/09
Loved the contract of your two main characters and how their paths crossed. Good use of this week's topic.
Nice job Kris. Liked the concept. I see you listened to the critique on your last submission. I can see you going a long way - you definitely have a gift.