The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
OOoh. Good set up here, but why did you stop? There's so much more you're hinting at in these few paragraphs, I felt cheated not getting to enjoy the whole story.

Good job though, a short and sweet read. ^_^
This could definitely be expanded--you just hint at the suspense and the action possible here!

A not about punctuation--it's easier to read if you use a space after each period or comma.

Hope to read more of this at some point!
A very compelling little story. I see a great creativity in your writing.
Thanks for this submission.
Oh the drama is this piece was at its peak and the story just stopped.

Don't forget to spell check and use proper spacing.

Thanks for the short short story. Keep writing!
A good start and I liked the description of the man but then I rather lost the plot!