Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Before and After (05/14/09)
- TITLE: Completely Yours
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The dark haired blue eyed muscular man who adores me fathers my two beautiful children, one son and one daughter. Our four bedroom ranch style home is near a park. On Saturdays, we spend our day swinging our children on swings and watch as they roll down grassy hills. The children never complain and always get along.
Emptiness will remain until I make this my reality. Broken relationship after broken relationship, rejection and failure, what’s the matter with me? The more I give the more I lose. Men proclaim their love for me and I believe them, giving them my body in exchange for empty words. They tell me how much they love me. Each time I believe them. Each time I expect a man to bring me happiness. Part of my soul dies with each relationship. I’m left with a deeper void manifested with regret and shame. The love I chase is a mirage.
That my immorality is destroying me does not faze me – until it ruins me. It leaves a heavy film of bitterness that blocks the light that Jesus died for me. Satan subtly made what is Biblically wrong seem right by using my emotions to control me. I do not receive God’s love. I could not love myself or others in a healthy way.
In my twenties, I repent. I surrender to God. Deep sorrow leads me to the cross. He forgives and forgets all of my wrong doing. I know I don’t deserve it. I look ahead to what He has created me to be. Pursuing His love changes my perspective. He fills the emptiness. He teaches me that the only one I need to be whole is Him. Through prayer, His Word, and the willingness to receive what He has to offer, I start to see who I am in Christ. He is the only One who can complete me; no man is capable of giving me the unconditional love or loyalty that He gives. I receive God’s love and draw nearer to Him. I find my soul mate, Christ Jesus. He’s the only One who can make all the wrong in me right. Without Him, I am nothing. He shows me that my misery didn’t come from my circumstances, but it came from my choices. And I had shut Him out.
Little by little, He reveals that I am beautifully created. His hands made me unique and perfect. My sense of self worth rises as I begin to see what He sees in me, a vessel full of purpose to glorify Him. My failures are not final; they do not define me. Instead, He uses them to reveal His greatness, a process of being transformed for His glory. Peace follows as I receive God’s love and give up my independence. My heart is changing. My mind is changed. And the need to be loved vanishes. I no longer yearn for the perfect man. He’s by my side. With God, I am not disappointed because I know that He works everything out for my good. Being whole in Christ gratifies. I’m filled with an indescribable joy that nobody can give or take away. I trust Him.
My priority is my oneness with Christ. He is worthy to be praised for all things; the world belongs to Him and everything in it. Change comes through prayer. The more I seek His face, the more I know Him. And the more I know Him, the more I love Him. His fulfillment is not for sale, it’s free, but it’s also a choice. I can be full of myself or full of Him. It’s the difference between darkness and light. And I choose light.
God fills the void that I searched so hard to fill. Emotion no longer masquerades truth. I wake up faithfully and say, “Lord, Your will be done,” including choosing a mate for me. If having a significant other is in His plan, then I know that it will come to pass in His time. He is in control.
Though my dream of a perfect man hasn’t become my reality, God’s plan for me is always perfect. And by following Him, I can expect no less than what He promises in His Word, His everlasting love. No one can compare. I have more than I deserve, I have Jesus. And everyday is marvelous when I wake up to His face.
Christ fills everything in everyway. Ephesians 1:23b-NCV
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