Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Before and After (05/14/09)
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TITLE: Each Month | Previous Challenge Entry
By Rachel Barclay
05/15/09 -
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Not again. God, please don’t let it be painful this time. Help me to accept my lot in life.
I’d done this so many times before. Each month the same. Torturously the same. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t accept it. So many women experienced the same as me. But each month I hoped for something different, that it’d just be the facts of life, and that the pain and depression wouldn’t render me to days off work, crying in bed.
George was so sensitive and kind about it. I was sure I didn’t deserve him. It didn’t seem to matter how I responded, he’d let me be that way; explosive, detached, blaming, reclusive. He never lost his patience or resented me, despite no preparation for what mood I’d be in.
We’d prayed together so many times, that if there was something wrong, God would heal me. George kept trusting God, while I kept questioning.
I sat on the toilet and waited to pee. It always took ages when I was anxious. The toilet paper was damp, but stain free. I’d already unwrapped the packaging to be ready. As soon as I got up it would probably start, so I sat there and waited. And waited.
Father, please prepare me for this, I prayed before I looked. I ran out screaming to George with my pants still around my ankles. For the first time in our lives, after I peed, there were two blue lines.
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