The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/14/09
Good twist in the story!

Since this story spanned so many years, you had to do a lot of "telling" rather than "showing". Think about telling just one small part of the story, so that you can spend more words on character development and description.

This was quite clever--I love it when the readers' expectations are turned upside down.
05/19/09
At first I thought it would be a modern Prodigal Son story, but it turned out much differently. I liked the dialogue. Don't forget the space between paragraphs in the dialogue too.
Keep writing.