The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/15/09
a rather creepy story!
This is a fascinating start to a story. Good job with drawing us in. In the first line you mention tantalizing, hypnotizing, and mesmerizing--all similar ideas. Remember that with creative writing often less words provide more of an impact. This story is a clever way to show how something seemingly good can be a premonition of bad.