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I remember it like it was yesterday. I was only a young LEGO block, and had clung to my girlfriend a little too tightly. Then the human child tried to separate us, and when his fingers failed, he gripped me in his teeth, and pulled us apart. Unfortunately, though, I was sucked into his mouth! The teeth stuck out like white tombstones set in a dull red cave. I was lying on the tongue – a fat, pink slug it seemed to me. Then some bags squirted me with juices, and the slug tipped me down a long, long tube. As I fell, I heard the child’s mother cry out, “Oh, Charlie! Did you just swallow LEGO? Oh no! You’ll choke!”
The tube squeezed, forcing me down faster. Suddenly I fell into a bigger cave. There was practically no light, but the walls felt tough and leathery. They were also mashing about, flinging lumps of carrot and beef everywhere. There must have been acid too, because I felt it try to burn me. Luckily, my plastic resisted it. Thankful and relieved, I settled down for a long wait.
After what seemed like eternity, the carrot and beef were no longer distinguishable. They had become a mush, and begun to exit through a porthole that rhythmically opened and closed. I thought the ride was almost over, but I was wrong. I was pushed out the porthole with great force, only to find myself in another tube. The walls felt creased and rumpled, and little tubes squirted more juices onto me, juices that dissolved the lumps of mush with ease. As I continued down the tube, I felt myself bump along many corners. This was one twisty tunnel!
A long while later, the stew in which I floated had turned into a watery soup. I frequently bumped into lumps of sand, balloon shreds, and crayons that the young child must have accidentally swallowed, much like he did me. Still I floated along, waiting patiently for my chance to escape. Suddenly, I passed through a small hole, and the tube widened! I moved along, only to get stuck in the narrow opening of a smaller tube that branched off the large one. Fortunately, the current caught me again and I was off. Phew!
It felt like I had been in there for months, when I realized I was no longer floating in a watery soup. Instead, I was now encased in a squishy, smelly lump. The tunnel was narrowing, and the tube squeezing. A trickle of light penetrated the bog and reached me. LIGHT! It was so good to see again! I saw another hole, wide open, with the thick waste steadily being squeezed out. I, too, was ejected into the human’s underwear. He seemed quite upset about it, but I didn’t care. I was free! Thank goodness the mother saw the child swallow me. She had clearly been searching for me in the child’s nappies, and was so relieved to discover that I had gone down the safe way that she dunked me in disinfectant and restored me to my girlfriend. You can’t begin to imagine how excited I was.
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