Cast me not away from your presence O lord. Take not thy Holy Spirit from me. And restore unto me the joy of my salvation and renew your spirit within me.
I did again. Why? All over again!
I’m standing over the couch, looking straight at the bottles lying down on the floor. I had fallen again, out of love, out of grace, out of his presence. Oh God, would I ever stop? Would I ever be redeemed?
Tears fall from my face, for I know what I had done. And it wasn’t the first, not the second time, not even the third. I deserved to be thrown out of his presence, forever. And at the moment, I felt like I was. I could see my sins crawling back at me. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. I couldn’t even run to God for I was ashamed. I had failed him again.
But where shall I run? When I fall, who shall I turn to. No one else but my God.
And I come back, crawling on my knees, praying to my God. God save me. I’ve fallen again, I’ve failed you. Again. Where shall I go, Lord. Take me back into your arms.
A feeling of hope creeps into my being. All is not lost. It isn’t late to turn, to change. And to never return.
But as I open my eyes and look at my surroundings, my heart hurt. I had crucified my Lord. Again. With my sins. Each time I turned my back on him, I stabbed him with a knife.
I had fallen. Again. I had been redeemed, yes, saved. But I returned to my own vomit; back to my old filth.
Oh Cast me not from your presence, Lord. Don’t give up on me. Take not thy Spirit from me, Lord. Please
But the giants are calling out my name…reminding me of all the times I’ve tried before and failed; of all the times I’d been taken back in, only to fall back out.
Take not thy Spirit from me, Lord.
Don’t give up on me.
Take me back in.
Take me back in.
And in the depth of my heart, I knew He had; that he had taken me back in. Into His presence; into the presence of my God.
Despite my frailties and all my failures, he didn’t give up on me. He took me in. He allowed me back into his presence.
No He didn’t cast me out. He took me into his arms.
I love you, Lord. I really do.
(Note: Bible Passage from Psalm 51:11-12.” Casting Crown’s “Voice of Truth” -“but the giants… “)
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