The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
other than a missed "to" in the last line this was enjoyable. Good job
05/10/09
Laughed at loud at the two-octave eyebrows!

Here's a simple editing fix that will make your writing conform to established standards: one space AFTER a comma or a period, and no spaces before. One additional sweep through your story to fix these will make it far more accessible to your readers.

The story is well-plotted, and has a wonderful voice.
Unfortunately there are alot of places where people don't want the Holy Spirit to dwell there or be mentioned. I like this piece. Nice job and the humorous descriptions are great!
05/14/09
Good story, good point. Probably just me but I had challenge keeping the real time tense straight in my head. Having grown up in churches where the Holy Ghost was very much sought after, I appreciate the story. Love it! Keep it up!