The Official Writing Challenge
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"Words sounded great on paper but were poison when served at the wrong moment." Well put! Sometimes the most powerful words, even scriptures, don't help at the point of impact. How wonderful the faithfulness of the loved one that would be there for the MC no matter what.

Putting a space between paragraphs makes it easier to read. Keep writing!
Wow--very powerful--It's so true that people try to say the "right thing"--when sometimes that's not saying anything at all--but just being there--
Glad the husband was the one who was there for her.
05/09/09
You did a good job capturing the mother's grief and the akwardness of trying to comfort. I also liked the rock-solidness of the husband. Well done!
Wow. This is heart rending and so realistic. It is what it is. No matter how christian we are we all face pain and we're still human. I like the steadiness and understanding heart of her husband who held her and became her rock when others drifted away, not knowing what to do. Good job!
05/10/09
Oooh, I'm glad you had your MC snap at the sister in the early part of the story. Her non-comforting words would have made me snap, too!

Excellent and very real.
Very realistic. I like the emotion and the language. YOu handled the situation well. The phrase about those words that usually are so healing CAN be poison if given at the wrong time.

05/10/09
This story is full of the authentically portrayed emotion of sorrow and anger in the face of loss. I liked the descriptive way you phrased things, such as in: "The hospital door elicited a smaller metal sound, the mechanical parts on both door and frame meeting like two long-lost puzzle pieces." I was touched by the husband's love and comfort of his wife in the face of his own deep sadness, and I appreciated the hope of healing at the end.
05/14/09
this is gripping reading.