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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Beginning and End (04/16/09)

TITLE: Where Does it End?
By Cindy White
04/20/09


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It’s been such a joy watching the progression of stages—infant to baby to toddler. I couldn’t wait for the next advancement—crawling, saying mamma, solid food, and the first steps. No one wants to admit it but it’s like a secret competition for us mothers—not so secret for fathers. But here I am now with a preschooler and I find myself weeping. I can hardly bear to look at these tiny baby clothes as I pack them away, each with its own memory attached. I mourn the loss of my baby, not to death, thank God, but because there is no longer a baby.

***
This week has been awful. I feel like such a baby but I just can’t stop crying. We haven’t done much at school since our grades went in last week, so we just sit around on the lawn and sign yearbooks. I love my friends so much! I don’t know what I’m going to do without them. In a few minutes the principle is going to say my name and I’m going up to get my diploma, that paper that says, “You’re not a kid anymore.” They keep saying, “When one door closes, another opens.” Yea, yea, yea…blah, blah, blah. Where’s the comfort in a cliché? This is my reality and my heart is breaking.

***
It seems like just yesterday she was dancing on my feet, but today she’ll be dancing with me for the last time during the Father-Daughter Dance. Her whole life I’ve poured myself into providing and caring for her, from midnight cry fests and dirty diapers to dance lessons and doctor bills. And now I’m standing here ready to walk down this isle and just give her over to this guy! I may look sharp in this tux but it’s all I can do to hold myself together. And if my wife weren’t looking at me like that I might just scoop my little girl up and run out of this place.

***
How can they just pink-slip me after all I’ve done for this company? Wasn’t it me that designed the new system? Wasn’t it me that discovered the problems with the contract? Now I’m just…gone? What am I supposed to do now? Sure, there is the one opening, if I don’t mind relocating to Timbuktu. My family is going to freak out. We’re so…established here. It’s all just crashing down around me. I can’t breathe.

***
It was good to see all my children and the grandkids over the last couple of days, but I wish they wouldn’t cry so much. Sure, I understand that they’re sad and I know they’ll miss me when I’m gone, but if they just understood what’s waiting for me. I have few regrets. I’ve taught them all I could and left them with a legacy of service and love. It’s a beautiful family to be sure. But this time on Earth is just the testing ground. The Good Lord has been working on me for a long, long time and I figure He’s done what He can with me and is ready to bring me home. They see this as the end, but I’ve learned that there are no endings, just new beginnings. This is not the end, but the beginning of my eternity.


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Member Comments
Member Date
Joy Faire Stewart04/26/09
You're so right, there are many different beginnings and ends to face. And there were several of the ones you mentioned-I can relate. Enjoyed your entry.