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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hot and Cold (04/09/09)

TITLE: Swept Away
By Dena Wilson
04/15/09


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I stood studying the grain of the door, tracing the pattern with my eyes. I had cast away my insecure seventeen year old self and replaced her with a mature adult woman. I trembled with a smorgasbord of emotions. Anticipation, and nerves, desire, and doubt coursed through my body. Behind this door might be the one thing I craved all my life. I traced the room number 326. After tonight it would forever be engraved into my mind.

The voice of reason reared its cold, ugly head. “You should not be here.”

The heat of anticipation and desire burned in my veins with a touch of curiosity, a dangerous blend, which propelled me to rap on the door. Shock, the first emotion that washed over me as the door swung inward. The man before me was like any other average man, slightly short in fact. Definitely not the rugged, handsome outdoor type I pictured in my mind. His body did not match the voice I heard over the past two months through my cell phone. His eyes drew me in.

He possessed the most amazing eyes I have ever seen in a person, and his wire rimmed glasses could not hide their allure. I saw myself lost in their depth of joy, and mischief, and wanted to fuel the fire to make them burn brighter. On the other hand I dreaded the idea of seeing their icy cold stare of scorn, and betrayal.

With an exuberant hug he led me over to the bed, the only place to sit. He listened to me as I nervously explained how my great scheme to slip away unnoticed worked. My mother shouldn’t suspect a thing. As I talked my fingers uncontrollably reached for him, for the simple act of being able to touch him after all this time was exhilarating.

His soothing, gentle voice made me feel wanted and desired. I watched his slim fingers travel across my arms, realizing these same fingers typed out the messages of hopes, and dreams to me. My blood boiled with all this affection.

Since he didn’t want to share our time together with strangers he brought with him a special picnic to be enjoyed on the beach. I felt like a princess being near him. No one had ever showered me so much honor and gratitude.

During dinner I found myself lost in pure bliss by simply studying his body language. Never in my wildest dreams would I believe that watching a person eat would make your spine-tingle with longing.

After dinner as we meandered on the beach, he tucked me in close to his side, and for once in my life I felt safe and secure. I knew then that this older knight would be my love of a life time. How could anyone replace this overwhelming feeling? I turned to kiss him and the desire between us quickly ignited into a hot flame. Succumbing to our passion we fervidly returned to room 326.

After the scorching hot flame of passion and yearning was squelched, an icy cold black wave of despair and doubt mixed with fear washed over me.

What have I done?

I was to wait for my wedding night.

What will my mom think if she finds out?

What if I am pregnant?

Worse yet, what if I have a disease?


Will this man still love me, and want to be with me?

What have I done?

I pulled away from the male form that represented my obsession, and now my failure. Tears of regret lined my face. A brief moment ago I thought by no means could this man hurt me, but I allowed him to hurt me in the worst possible way He seemed to read my thoughts and caressed my hip as he leaned closer to me. “I will make you a virtuous woman,” he whispered as a kiss in my ear

“Didn’t my mother once say God was supposed to make me virtuous?” I wondered.

I shivered as he wrapped his arms like a noose around my body and pulled me closer to his. A hauntingly familiar melody came to mind:


Your mercy found me,
Upon the broken road,
And lifted me beyond my failing,
Into Your glory,
My sin and shame dissolved,
And now forever Yours I’ll stand.
In love never to end,
to call You more than Lord,
Glorious friend.


***************************************

Where the Love Last Forever by Hillsong United


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This article has been read 319 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Mary Lou Cook04/17/09
How many young woman are lured in by false promises. With cell phones and computers it makes it easier for this to happen..sad but true. Good story.
Stacy Ashby04/18/09
That line about the "noose wrapping around me" is very descriptive. I think a lot of people have felt that noose.
Sharon Kane04/20/09
I felt you built up the tension of her clandestine meeting very well. You portrayed the older male predator well too.
I felt your description of him physically was a bit disjointed and wasn't sure if she was actually thrilled by the catch or disappointed. I was a little confused too by the ending, whether she would find her way back or not. The song seemed a bit sudden and unconnected.
The strength of this piece was in your contrast of the heat of passion and the pits of regret and since that was your main aim, you hit it!
Mona Purvis04/20/09
Oh, the heat of passion. Wish the young knew the best part is "the afterwards", the special feeling from knowing you are one as in marriage. So many get cheated...just like Satan to use this ever-ready tool.
You did a very good job of showing it.
Mona
Jan Ackerson 04/21/09
Excellent--should be read by teen groups as a superb discussion-starter.
Deborah Porter 04/24/09
Hi Dena. I just wanted to leave a quick note to let you know your entry, "Swept Away," actually did very well in the Hot and Cold Challenge. Although you didn't receive an award, you made it into the Highest Rankings for Level 1, placing 8th in that Level. There were a lot of entries this week, and competition in Level 1 is always very intense, so well done.

If you'd like to check the highest rankings for yourself, you can find them here:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=25299

The highest rankings are posted every Thursday evening on the Message Boards.

Again, well done. :-)

Hope to see you at the FaithWriters' Conference in August.

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)