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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hot and Cold (04/09/09)

TITLE: Come
By Lauren Dahl
04/13/09


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I stand here now on the porch with a steaming mug of hot chocolate in my hand and another one on the banister, waiting for you. I watch as mist or maybe smoke rises slowly from the cup into the air. It twists and turns, writhes in its reluctance to leave the warmth and surrender itself into the cold harsh grip of winter and disappear. I cannot watch anymore. It is too painful, this thinking of you.

The snow on the walk lies even and crisp, untouched. It should not be so. It should be trampled down by your feet- snowshoes you called them for they were nearly as big. And your mug is still smoking like a fire with no flame, no light, no warmth. And it is too quiet here. I miss your voice, the sound of your booming laughter…

I bring two glasses of lemonade with ice, or rather ice with lemonade, the way you like it, and I set one on the railing by the mug from last winter. It is still untouched. I cannot bring myself to move it or wash it, if indeed it can be washed after this many months. I cannot throw it away; it was yours. But you never come.

I look hopefully at the lemonade. Maybe the cold will stand the heat better than the heat withstood the cold. But the ice is already melting and the sides of the glass weep with their passing. There is a puddle of tears on the peeling white paint. You must hurry or soon they will be gone and I with them.

But no, I cannot keep such a threat. You may go, but I- I will remain here alone year after year with my mugs and glasses; one for me and always one for you. You never drink them. They will cry and burn and I with them, but you will never come.


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This article has been read 494 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 04/16/09
How haunting and sad! And beautifully written--absolutely so.
joanna reed04/23/09
Wow really sad! However, I think you missed the most important part of this whole writing and it is the name of the website "faith writer". I must tell you I dont see the core needed for this paper.
Carole Robishaw 04/23/09
this was very good, and all the better because you were able to convey it in so few words, I always struggle to keep mine below the max limit. While this is Faithwriter's, it is not required that faith, or God be a part of what you write, only that it not be opposed to faith. Unless of course you you use it as a twist to come to faith. What is required is that you write, and this was written well.
Willa Maye04/24/09
Your article is perfectly written: Your gift for writing will take you far.
Robin Sturm04/24/09
This was beautifully written. Very deep and moving. I like that you do not fill in all the blanks for the reader.
Deborah Porter 04/24/09
Hi Laura. I just wanted to leave a quick note to congratulate you on your 1st place in Level 1, and to let you know you also ranked 23rd overall. That's an excellent result for a Level 1 entry. There were a lot of entries this week, so well done.

If you'd like to check the highest rankings for yourself, you can find them here:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=25299

The highest rankings are posted every Thursday evening on the Message Boards.

Again, well done. Hope to see you at the FaithWriters' Conference in August. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Patricia Herchenroether04/25/09
Congratulations on your win! Extremely creative-see ya in level 2 (hee hee) Blessings,

Patty
Charla Diehl 04/28/09
Thumbs up to you on both your placements with this story. The sadness, loneliness and emptiness of the MC's heart made mine ache for her. Great writing.
Chely Roach05/01/09
This was lovely in its sadness. Very touching. Congrats on your win.
Daniel Kane07/11/09
This is a very interesting story. A bit unusual, but I liked it. Good job, Lauren.