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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hot and Cold (04/09/09)

TITLE: Criminal's Creed
By
04/11/09


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She was sentenced to burn at the stake. She was doomed to eternal fire. She was just another gipsy, seen in the eyes of the church as a witch that must be exterminated. She stood tied against the rough, jagged, wooden pole. Her fingers tingled as the thick rope cut into her blood circulation like thorns choking out a precious flower. Her thick, black hair caressed her face as the wind blew softly. Her mysterious eyes no longer held witchcraft, but the feeling that they wanted to hold on to something more. In front of her, the crowd of villagers cheered. So many faces laughed and shouted at her. Justice would be appeased at her death. The torch was lit, a mesmerizing flame. It danced upon the wood with different depths of blue at the bottom and more blazing colors at the top. They lit the straw tied against the pole first, the fire quickly consuming it. The black smoke danced around her and into her mouth and nostrils making her cough. The fire was unbearably hot. In her last moment of mortal life, she lifted her head to the sky that was gray with smoke and uttered some words. It was a fool’s plead. How dare she ask of something so big? She was a criminal, so what she spoke was a criminal’s creed.

He was soon to die. He was doomed to eternal fire. He was just another gangster, seen in the eyes of the other gang as an animal that must be exterminated. He lay on the sizzling, sticky, tar streets of Miami. His fingers were pressed into one of the three bullet holes in his chest trying to keep the blood from seeping out. His short hair was hidden underneath a baseball lid that blew off in the wind. His mysterious eyes no longer held anger, but the feeling that they wanted to hold onto something more. In a black truck a few blocks down, his murderers laughed and shouted at him. Justice would be appeased at his death. His heart rate slowed, and as he fell back onto the tar, the skyscrapers around him seemed to dance. It was getting hard to breathe. The humid heat was unbearably hot. In the last minute of his mortal life, he lifted his head to the sky that was blazing with heat and uttered some words. It was a fool’s plead. How dare he ask of something so big? He was a criminal, so what he spoke was a criminal’s creed.


He was sentenced to death. He was doomed to eternal fire. He was just another murderer, seen in the eyes of the Romans as a criminal that must be exterminated. He stood against a crude, unforgiving, wooden pole. His fingers were shot with a tingling pain with each movement like an army of needles marching up his arm. What was left of his dark hair was tussled softly by the icy wind. His mysterious eyes no longer held hate, but the feeling that they wanted to hold onto something more. In front of him, the crowd of people cheered. So many people laughed and shouted at him. Justice would be appeased at his death. His heart rate sped out of control as he went into cardiac arrest. His body convulsed, making the world around him dance. The frigid wind was unbearably cold. In the last moment of his mortal life, he lifted turned his head to the left against the cold wind and uttered these words. It was a fool’s plead. How dare he ask of something so big? He was a criminal, so what he spoke was a criminal’s creed.
“Jesus, remember me when you enter your kingdom,”# he jutted the words with his last breath. The Man beside him turned to him and spoke these words. It was the answer to a plea. How dare he guarantee something so big? In the eyes of the world he was a criminal, so what He spoke was a criminal’s creed.
“I can guarantee you this truth: Today you will be with me in paradise,”#He said. Then the criminal bowed his head, and died.

# Luke 23:42 New Living Translation
# Luke 23:43 New Living Translation


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This article has been read 489 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 04/16/09
I really like the parallel structure here, and your writing is very good.

It might be just me, but I couldn't find a reference to 'cold' here. And maybe somewhat shorter paragraphs, with perhaps a short row of asterisks to divide the three sections?

This was a compelling read.

Charla Diehl 04/16/09
Good descriptive writing here but not sure how it exactly fit the topic.
Sarah Fehr04/16/09
I love the rich description, the repeated lines in each paragraph and the reference to the theif on the cross that pulls it all together. I also thought the title was thought provoking! Great job!
Connie Dixon04/18/09
I enjoyed this and saw the references to hot and cold, especially in the last paragraph. Your writing is very descriptive. Good job!
stephanie erickson04/20/09
I enjoyed the description. I too saw the connection of hot/cold.

Good job.
Deborah Porter 04/24/09
Hi Kaitlyn. I just wanted to leave a quick note to congratulate you on your Highly Commended award in Level 1, and to let you know you also ranked 33rd overall. That's an excellent result for a Level 1 entry. There were a lot of entries this week, so well done.

If you'd like to check the highest rankings for yourself, you can find them here:
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=25299

The highest rankings are posted every Thursday evening on the Message Boards.

Again, well done.

Hope to see you at the FaithWriters' Conference in August.

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Margaret Kearley 04/24/09
Wow. Incredibly powerful. Beautifully written.