Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Up and Down (04/02/09)

TITLE: Minnow in a Minute
By Sharon Laughter
04/07/09


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

The department store elevators groaned to a close swallowing my two year old baby son like some sea serpent consuming a minnow. The familiar whir signaled its upward ascent as my heart catapulted down like an out of control skier on the slopes of Aspen.

“NO!” I shrieked, furiously jabbing, then pounding the down arrow on the wall hoping the metal monster would somehow change its mind, return to the bargain basement and spit out its prey like the fish did to Jonah in the Bible.

“Stay here!” barked the Nordic giant next to me who normally answered to the call of “honey” and “dear”. His massive frame lunged toward the stairwell to give chase. Horrible images assailed my mind of our tiny offspring in the clutches of some deranged predator, who indeed was lurking among the potted plants on some floor, waiting for an opportunity such as this. I imagined my shining knight flinging himself at the doors seconds too late, thereby forced at each stop to forge upward yet further.

It was hard to believe that just moments before, my precious little family had been solidly intact. Handsome hunk and I still basked in the glow of parenthood and loved our family outings. He was a precious gem that often played “good sport” when I felt the serious need to peruse the sales, for our family’s good, of course.

My mind trailed back to the herd of cattle earlier who had shoved, stomped and snorted their way into the elevator – cramming us into the back wall of the mean machine. They were disguised as humans, but these creatures were undaunted by the lack of breathing room or space in the car. This family crises was ultimately their collective fault, for when the doors finally opened and they charged out, there was barely enough time left for the hulk of my heart, baby and me to tumble out, gasping into the hall. This then presented little Nordic clone just enough time to dart back into the roving giant, as the doors closed shut.

However, I realized that instead of shock and horror I would’ve expected from the fruit of my womb, his eyes had widened in glee and a grin flashed across his face, almost as if the little urchin had conceived his solo flight all along. Not only that, I had never seen this facial expression before. It was the type I assumed would be used for staring out at me over straight A report cards in the wonder years soon to come.

I called my mind to focus and silently trumpeted the God of heaven for legions of holy angels to be dispatched in rescue. Perhaps I should’ve done that before this - at the minnows birth. But at six hours old, freshly swathed in a powder blue blanket which framed the sweetest face to ever adorn a hospital delivery room, I believed that the little cherub could never be capable of the slightest transgress.

Suddenly a crash sounded and my large Norseman fell through the stairwell doors. He stumbled across the linoleum, unable to slow in time to avoid the wall ahead which promised shopping at Rumford’s today to be a “day at the beach.” My honey’s handsome face was now cherry red and puffed to twice its size. As he catapulted forward, he shifted his shoulder to absorb the impact of the wall and bounced off, a play worthy of the former football hero.

“ding.” Tackle complete, Nordic man froze as I turned, our hearts both suspended at the elevator’s announced return. Hoping against hope, we watched as the doors lumbered open. There, thanks be to God, stood our little minnow. He was in the same spot, all alone and safe. Only now, he was wearing an even broader smile and a huge expression of smug accomplishment.

I sprung forward and snatched the urchin out of the metal monster’s mouth and flung him toward his father. Sinking to the floor in relief, I slowed my breathing and looked toward the father and son duo who now stood squared off toward each other in a silent stand-off . I patted my hair back in place, stood and straightened my clothes. With knees still wobbling, I settled my purse solidly on the crook of my shoulder and strode around the muscular back of the hulk of my heart.

“I’ll be waiting at the coffee shop – no hurry,” I whispered into his ear, gliding off.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 524 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Jan Ackerson 04/10/09
Hilarious--far, far above Beginner's level, with a wit and sophistication that I loved.
Patricia Herchenroether04/12/09
This is great! Being a beginner myself, I would be jealous of your ability, but there is one consolation-
you won't be competing in my level much longer.
A very humorous story.
Dorothy Adamek04/13/09
Very clever writing - loved the Nordic clone. Having lost a runaway child in an elevator myself, all I can say is, you captured the experience and nailed it! Great job.
Lyn Churchyard04/13/09
Wonderful story. Yes, I agree with the others. I don't think you will be in Level 1 for very long. Well done, I loved this one.
Lollie Hofer 04/16/09
Congratulations on your well-deserved recognition. As already stated, you will be one of those who will rise quickly through the ranks. God has blessed you with a wonderful gift!
Ifeoma Dennis04/18/09
I liked the way you described your husband...plus your nice use of metaphors..thumbs up!
Deborah Porter 04/24/09
Hi Sharon. Just a quick note to congratulate you on your excellent win in the Up and Down Challenge. I'm running a bit late with my "well done" message, but wanted to let you know you not only placed 1st in Level 1, but you also ranked 16th overall. That really is outstanding for a Level 1 entry. Well done. I know the judges loved your entry.

Time to move up to Level 2 (if you haven't done already).

Congratulations again. With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator)
Chely Roach05/01/09
OH MY GOODNESS! This is hilarious! Thank you for the giggles. Congrats!