The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/13/09
A very nice story. You made the grandfather a very strong character, and there was a real African flavour throughout.
I would suggest leaving a line between the changes in speaker when you write conversation, as this makes it easier for the reader to follow.
I liked the smattering of Swahili!
03/13/09
Interesting story - I like the way you wrote about the grandfather -thanks
I liked how the grandfather said after that wrestling match, he became like his grandson-- a student. The story of selling papers in a kiosk and growing into a large business was also very good.
Nice job.
03/18/09
I love your ending - how funny. Good story.