The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
03/07/09
What a lovely hope for sure. I definitely felt for these girls.

It seemed that they would have been a bit more excited at the end, but it could just be me.

Enjoyed this very much!
03/07/09
This is a good story in as far as it goes. It flows well, has a nice touch of emotion and has two sweet children. But let me make one observation to help you improve your writing. As it stands at present, apart from the names and the mention of Vietnam, the story could have been placed anywhere else in the world. To make it even better, you need somehow to breathe a little of Vietnam into the story, perhaps some colourful description, perhaps some idiom, perhaps some idiosyncracy associated with that country. It's this extra effort that turns a good story into a great story.
I hope that's helpful to you. Let me encourage you to read other FW entries and leave comments for your fellow writers so that we can all learn together
I was glad to see that the sisters cared so much for the little girls. I have heard stories of so many children there isn't enough of the workers to go around leaving the workers to feel a bit aloof from the children. Could be me stereotyping though huh?

This was a heartwarming story.
What an endearing story. It left me feeling hopeful for the children. I enjoyed the nun's line where the children would never have to come in again, and the sweet significance of those words.
Beautiful, heartwarming story.
Well done.