The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/26/09
Clever ending! I like the way you built anticipation into the story right up to the very end.

Try to remember to use quotation marks around the words your characters are actually saying. Sometimes it was hard to follow you story because I didn't know when someone was speaking and when it was just the narratrive part of the story.
I like the story line. Apart from a few puntuations here and there,the story is lovely. keep writing.
Your story held my interest. I just knew the ending was not going to be a proposal so wanted to keep reading to find out what happened.

Try to "bridge time" between settings maybe to help the story flow better and stay connected.

Keep writing!
03/02/09
I thought there would be a little more of Europe than the Eiffel Tower in your story, but of course it might depend on how much knowledge you have of that part of the world. Your writing, however, was creative and led the reader on to see how it would end.