Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Anger (01/24/05)
TITLE: Hidden Terror
By paula burbidge
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The place has a name. Anger.
Throughout my childhood I have been warned, cajoled, even threatened to keep this place of terror under control. Yet no-one could tell me how. No-one realised the devastating pain my anger caused me, no-one seemed to understand the panic I felt when it took over and I lost control. I was the victim of my own huge green ‘hulk’ monster, except I wasn’t the casualty of some failed experiment, nor did my ‘hulk’ take on a separate identity. Whenever my anger exploded outwards, it was only me people saw, it was me who was lashing out indiscriminately. So many times I have been ripped apart by a surging rage, often for little or no cause, leaving a wealth of destruction around me. I longed for someone to help the frightened child within.
There is a saying, ‘there by the grace of God’, sometimes said flippantly or tongue in cheek but, as a person who can be afflicted by overwhelming anger, I know beyond any doubt that it is only the grace of God that holds the answer. Anger management, coping strategies, and all the other answers the world proffered had, for me, limited, if any success, partially dealing with the anger, yet failing to enable me to come to grips with the consequential guilt that inevitably followed in the wake of an outburst.
The grace of God has taught me that my anger usually stems from fear, insecurity or pride. The love of God continues to bring me to a place where I know that, despite my fear, my insecurity and my pride, I am loved and accepted. It is this knowledge that is helping me, day by day, moment by moment to stop striving in my own strength, and allow the grace of God to conquer the hidden recesses in my life that goes by the name, Anger.
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