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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Canada (01/29/09)

TITLE: Jolly Neighbors
By Kelly Jacobsen
02/04/09


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Mandy and her little brother Jack sat staring at the computer screen. Complete shock spread like sticky peanut butter on their faces. Mandy were more shocked than her little brother was. For, she was an avid sports girl. A true American. She loved baseball, basketball, apple pie, and hotdogs.

“You mean? Wha?” She said in disbelief. (Yes, this is something minor to be shocked at…come on! We are talking about the American way of life here!) This could not be true! Could it? Of course, she did not place heavy merit on one website. However, when you bring Wikipedia into it…and two other websites! In addition! Her friend on the other side of the United States said the same thing! What was this world coming to? First off, contrary to some American beliefs (such as hers) England was the real inventor of baseball and apple pie. Not to mention French fries, came not from France or the US! However, according to some beliefs, Belgium invented the beloved fries! However, that was of no concern to her. Belgium can keep their fries. Even though, it would take a major shift in the US to change the name of fries, from, "American fries” or “French fries” to "Belgium fries". Well, personally, the name “French fries” flows…do you agree?

Oops! Here she went again, on another rabbit trail. It was a wonder to her parents why she got extremely low grades in school, when she supposedly spent so much time studying. The problem was she seemed to go on endless rabbit trails, looking up stuff that did not even pertain to what the assignment was! If only the teacher would give interesting assignments….

She looked at the computer screen, guided the mouse to the notepad. She had a school essay due by morning. The teacher wanted the class to pick a country…no, actually the teacher assigned each of them a specific country to write. She was stuck with Canada. Gosh! Could it have been something interesting? She could see Canada across the bay! How fun. She was hoping she would get something exciting like, maybe some place that she had never been to before. Nor can see every day from the bedroom window! However, it was getting late; she could not fail this grade. Therefore, she began to type.

***

Well, it was very hard to decide what to write. However, I have learned many good things that I had not known before. Everyone knows Canada invented…ha-ha sounds scientific. They invented the beloved game of basketball, hockey, and some sport equipments and ATV vehicles that we Americans take for granted. I mean, they even invented the electric range. How many people can live without that now?

In addition to every thing else, what about our famous known comic hero Superman? Well, the artist who created him was from Canada. Even, the baseball gloves that we use every year, every day, and we pass on to our grandkids; actually invented as well in Canada. There is much speculation on actually who and where. I will choose to believe Canada.

A wonderful land, so big and beautiful, and has such a diverse land mass. On the west side, tall majestic mountains called the Rocky's. On the tip of the continent, a frozen tundra, and the North Pole (by the way, Canada does not own the North Pole. However, Santa is possibly a true Canadian anyway.)

In addition, there are many cool places to visit in Canada. Like the CN Tower, and how about Niagara Falls? Even, take a trip to Quebec City. As you are heading there, stop in and have a bowl of soup and hot chocolate at your Grandmother’s (that is, if she lives in Canada!). What else? Oh, I am sure I have not even reached the tip of things you could do in Canada!

By the way, if you are ever in Toronto, I heard there is this wonderful pizza place there. MMM….I heard that people come from all over, just to have a slice of good, wholesome pizza. Uh oh…as I write this, I even am becoming hungry from the thoughts!

Wow! Even though I live so close to Canada, I had not realized all of the beauty and splendor of my next-door neighbor! I am quite glad to have them as a neighbor, jolly fellows I’ll say!

Mandy looked up from her paper, to a class filled with dropped jaws (though a few sleeping.)


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This article has been read 347 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Karlene Jacobsen 02/06/09
Entertaining! I laughed all the way to Quebec and back. My grandma doesn't live in Canada, so I didn't get any soup or HC.
Glynis Becker 02/11/09
Such a great job on all the research...I had no idea!
Catrina Bradley 02/11/09
A very entertaining story! You created a likeable and lively MC. Her comment about the rabbit trails made me smile. I do the same thing. :)

You could use a little bit of work on your comma use. A good rule of thumb while you're sorting out all of the rules is to read your entry out loud - if you pause naturally, there's a good chance a comma goes there. If you don't naturally pause, you probably don't need a comma.

I like the "split-story" format - the study scene in the first half, and then the actual report in the second. Nice job on this topic!
Leah Nichols 02/12/09
Fun piece! You sound like an authentic American teenager. :)

Watch out for improper verb tenses and overuse of passive verbs. Check the boards - I have a post under writing tips that will instruct you how to eliminate those passive verbs. It strengthens your writing to use a variety of verbs and sentence structure other than was/were.

Nice job. I learned quite a bit about Canada!
Faithful Okoye02/26/09
Nice. Very creative