The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I really enjoyed the voice here--I feel as if I know you now.

Two easy fixes--it's best not to refer to the contest in your writing, and when writing narrative, it's best to avoid exclamation points.

I'm a music lover, too, and your piece was fun to read.
Here's a thought: Instead of referring to the contest, maybe pretend you are writing for a geography assignment in school? That way you can elude to an assignment and draw the reader in to see how you made out. This is otherwise a very good narrative.