The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/22/09
Kind of a fantasy/adventure--unique for this week!

You lost me a bit toward the end--but this is definitely a good start for a larger work, perhaps.
A good story, although it may help the reader if there were an extra space between the paragraphs.
I enjoyed reading this. A good beginning.
01/23/09
Very intriguing story! You have a nice, descriptive style; and I liked the double meaning of "passage"! Blessings on your writing!