The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/15/09
Very interesting and refreshing take on immigration...I liked it.

Be careful of run-on sentences. Some of your longer sentences would flow more smoothly if made into two shorter ones.

Very nice title, and I enjoyed reading about Manuel. I would love to have read more of his story.
01/15/09
Short but well said! I agree with Jan about wanting to read more. Nicely done.
Well said, although I too, agree that more information about Manuel would be beneficial.
01/24/09
Really great angle for the topic.

I agree with Jan about the run on sentences. I had a hard time with the first sentence. I think a better start would have been simply
~ Manuel, was one of my patients.~ Then tell a little of who he was, where he was from and what he had been through.

I love the ending. Very meaningful.