Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The USA (01/08/09)
TITLE: Moon Men
By Josiah Kane
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“My fellow citizens, I come before you today with news; news that may spell the bloom or the doom of this nation and this planet. Ten days ago the Space Shuttle Hermes returned from its seventh trip to the moon. While many have condemned all operations of NASA as a stupendous waste of funds, they have served as a crucial sentry. You will agree that any warning of the presence of aliens is worth countless billions of dollars.
To dispel popular myth, I do not mean little green men with antennae-eyes. Nor do I refer to vicious reptilian creatures with acid blood. When our astronauts returned, they were highly agitated for they reported a trail of footprints on the moon. Like the steps of Neil Armstrong some 40 years ago, these prints would have no reason to disappear. Yet, though there would be no wind or rain to remove them, they are not archaic remnants. Scarcely a month ago an Irish astronaut team was studying the same area of the moon and they reported no such sighting.
The aliens appear to be bipeds, with deer-like hooves. It is only sensible to assume that they are intelligent. Whether we now commence a war or trade pact will be a turning point in Man's history. I only regret that I must leave office at such a crucial moment. I trust the new president will steer us into harmony with these “Alien fawns.” I trust that we will emerge the victor should the aliens prove hostile. I trust that we will be mutually prosperous if they want peace.
Citizens of America, follow the adventuring spirit of Christopher Columbus. Follow the stars. A new world awaits. Thank you.”
Gentlemen, the Taoiseach of the Republic of Ireland-
“People of the world, hours ago the American president George W. Bush announced the discovery of Aliens on our moon. We regret to inform you that this information is not accurate. The Irish Astronaut, Sergeant Rory O'Neil, has important video evidence of his team from one month ago. As you can see from the screen behind me, they wore standard spacesuits but far from standard footwear. Follow the line of their legs, and see how their boots vanish into the tight crescent hooves which left the prints in question, now discovered by their American colleagues. You can follow their movements as they take samples and plant equipment.
Incidentally Sergeant O'Neil would request of President Bush the return of his bottle of Guinness, which he left as a marker at the end of the trail. We understand the CIA's addiction to impounding anything that might be considered physical evidence. Though we would be honoured that the alien connoisseurs chose our famous drink, we see how hilariously ridiculous such a presumption is.
Finally O'Neil has acknowledged that his motives were partly to vex the Americans. But mainly, like any good Irishman, he simply wanted to have a good long laugh. So, Ladies and Gentlemen, there may be Aliens that we have yet to find; there may even be aliens on the moon. But rest assured, the scare is over, melting like a nightmare at the coming of dawn.”
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