The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
What an adventure!

I didn't really get a sense of the conflict here, and would have liked to have that more fully developed.

I've spent a lot of time in airports recently, and your narrative does a great job of capturing that atmosphere.
I liked it, and thought you did very well. A few sentences could be tightened up a bit, but I like your writing style. Just the right amount of descriptions and dialogue. Great job!