The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
12/05/08
Wow...interesting and different. Very evocative, and with lots of atmosphere.

I'm not sure--is it describing a real situation, or some bleak future? I'd love that to be clarified. I wonder, too, if it'd read more smoothly if you changed your "had (verb)" phrases to simple past tense.

This one will stick with me for a while...very intriguing.