The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/23/08
I want to comment on this because you write well. I think you will loose your readers in your last paragraph though. Keep on writing and keep with your story line all the way through - it will flow better and your reader will be delighted with your talent.
I loved your first two paragraphs... using the Christmas theme to help describe the perfect life, however I got a little lost in the last paragraph. I do believe you tied it together with the last sentence though. You definitely write well - keep writing!