The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/22/08
I love the genuineness of this and the joy that children bring and leave on our hearts. Neat recollection, and well told. Wish we'd never lose that wonder!
11/23/08
Very pleasant to read!

Be careful of over-using adverbs--it's almost always better to use a strong and interesting verb without the adverb.

I enjoyed the children's voices in this story.
11/25/08
Very pleasant story and neat recollection. I know you were recalling the day exactly, but a few details like doing the washing and stuff could be left out....just focus on the story. That gives you more words to work with as well.

Nicely done! I enjoyed it very much. :)
11/25/08
Very pleasant story and neat recollection. I know you were recalling the day exactly, but a few details like doing the washing and stuff could be left out....just focus on the story. That gives you more words to work with as well.

Nicely done! I enjoyed it very much. :)
11/25/08
This left me smiling at the pure joy and innocence of children. My favorite part was Jacqui "not" telling daddy what his gift was. Thank you for sharing your family with us!
11/26/08
Enjoyed the story- the kids were real and great!