The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/14/08
I really enjoyed your story. The conversation felt a little stiff- too perfect in a sense. Not comfortable like conversation between family. This is an easy fix though. You did good and show talent. Keep writing.
11/17/08
A clever twist.
I agree that your dialogue is too forced, although to be honest this is something a lot of writers struggle with at first and one of the great joys of learning together in FaithWriters.
Can I recommend that you made it a practice to read through a good number of entries every week, especially in Advanced, and see how others move their conversation along. And of course if you leave some comments this will be appreciated as well.
11/17/08
I love the mother/daughter names of May and June. I also like the clever twist of the Teddy who doesn't live at Walmart. Good job!