The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
07/19/05
A very creative entry -work on the transition from "you" present to the "you" in the past and it'll flow better. Plus -"He, Caleb, and eleven spies went into Canaan and came back telling Moses we could conquer." This sentance needs work - there were 12 spies total (see Num 13) not 13 (one from each tribe) and it makes it sound like all the spies agreed, which as you pointed out in the next the don't. When refering to scriptural history, it needs to be acurate :)
07/19/05
I agree with shari. Nice work though. God bless ya, littlelight
07/20/05
I too echo Sheri - this is a story that would work well in youth Sunday magazine. Work on it a little.
I'm gonna have to agree with the rest on this one, but with a little work, this would be an incredible article! Thanks for sharing!