The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/01/08
I liked the way you used description. I noticed a few areas to work on such as not repeating the same words in the first paragraph, like "farther"- deeper could have been a nice sustitution. I was also not sure if this was the same boy who had run away in the beginning, just a thought for clarification. The great thing about your story is I was standing in the aisle observing the scene.. you pulled me in.. Good job and keep writing.
12/09/08
I like the way that you conveyed both the simplicity and the insight of the boy. This was nicely done. The rest will come with practice.
Let me encourage you to keep on entering the Weekly Challenge as it's a great way to hone our writing skills to the glory of God. (It can also be a lot of fun too!)