The Official Writing Challenge
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10/25/08
Very nice story line. I noticed some grammar and spelling errors, which is an easy fix. One thing I think to focus on is to make sure the conversation is age appropriate to your character. At times the vocabulary you used made the child seem like an adult and the teen sound older as well. Your story is beautiful and you have a great talent, keep writing.
I love that the MC had a change of heart at the end of the story.

I saw some missing commas and such, but those are easy fixes, and they didn't detract from the story.

I see a lot of talent here, and I think whoever wrote this will just keep getting better the more he/she enters the challenge. Good job!
This is a sweet, heartfelt story. Like mentioned above, there were a few small errors, but they didn't take away from the message. You have talent. Keep Writing.
10/28/08
Excellent story! You might want to somehow nail down the girl's age - she is called a "child" so I pictured a little girl, but speaks more like a pre-teen. I noticed a few minor bumps in the road in your writing, but they don't detract from the reading. I loved the MC's change of heart at the end. Helping others tends to do that. :) Very well done.
Very nice story. You showed the emotions of your characters well. Keep working toward improvement on those mechanical errors. Nice job. :)
10/29/08
This story is filled with good descriptions.

The story has an interesting premise, but not very realistic in terms of what would be allowed in a hospital (especially the children's ward). You might want to consider changing it to a retirement home where then your idea of having the main character deliver cookies to others will be a bit more realistic.

You write well. I can see this being a longer piece with more detail on the MC.
10/29/08
You have done very well for a beginning writer. The errors others mentioned are the same ones I would have pointed out. The most important one, though, is to write like you ARE the age of the person speaking. Before you write, ask yourself "How would Mom say this?" or "How would a 5-year-old child say this?"

You would be amazed at how much better your writing would be just by asking age appropiate questions.

You have strong talent. I hope you keep writing things that are exciting to you.
10/29/08
Very good writing. One thing I noticed: be careful to put tags on your dialogue so we know who is talking. I really liked your story. Good job!
10/29/08
Great job! Watch punctuation, and write out your numbers unless they're bigger than 100. Read your stories aloud to check how it sounds. Nice work - I like the story; you're doing well! Again, welcome to Faithwriters! :)
10/30/08
Good job writing your first story for Faithwriters! As a homeschool mom whose son will write his first story for the Challenge starting tomorrow, I say, "Yay for you!"

The characters in your story are very sweet and I like them. I have nothing to add to your other comments about ways to improve...just keep at it! You definitely have a story to tell and the ability to get it told. Way to go!