The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/09/08
Your last line is beautifully poignant...well done!

There are several places in this story when you switch from past tense to present and back again. In a simple narrative like this one, it's best to stick with past tense.

This wasn't predictable in any part, and I really appreciate that.
10/14/08
I enjoyed this story. It held my interest, shifting tenses and all.
10/15/08
I thought Grandma was going to die. What a surprise that the silence was about sittting in the car waiting. I must agree that I like the unpredictable.