The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/20/08
Definitely some good comparisons here!

Try to avoid passive voice (the gun was fired) and stick with active voice (The gun fired.) It makes it clearer and more interesting to the reader.

You used my favorite verse at the end. Thanks for the reminders. Good job.
09/20/08
This is almost like a parable...an earthly story with a heavenly meaning. Good thoughts.
09/24/08
This is something we all can relate to. I agree with the other comments, neat devotional, and avoiding passive verbs will give it even greater punch. Good job!