The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/15/08
I like your story line. You've written some good dialogue, too. I did notice some run-on sentences and a couple of missing words. Try to watch those. I can see talent and a lot of potential in your writing. Keep it up, and God Bless!
The dialogue and descriptions of the childrens' toys was realistic. And the ending was a surprise.
09/15/08
Good story....with a little more editing it'd be wonderful. Good job!
I loved all the toys. Sounds like my house. I had three and then years later a "Bonus Baby." He's a joy!

You have a lot of potential. The dialogue was a tad hard to follow at the beginning. Perhaps a few more tags or action by the speaker to held the reader keep straight who is talking. Overall, nice job.
This was good! I agree, a little more polish, and it will be great! I like the way the husband handled the situation. A true spiritual leader.
09/16/08
This sounded very realistic to me! Gene's sincerity and Shannon's agitation were very true to life! I loved the surprise ending.
09/22/08
Very graphic - the toys, the room, the emotions. Loved the ending! Enjoying your most recent writing even more than the former and I didn't think that possible!