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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Snap (09/04/08)

TITLE: commitments


My journal lays open before me and I write the words that I feel have become my mantra of late. “Lord, please help me to know where You want me to spend my time and energy. The list seems to grow each day. Work, writing, developing relationships with my neighbors who do not know You, mentoring, working on the photo albums that are intended to be Christmas presents, joining worship team, starting another writers’ group for people who are currently seeking publication, maintaining relationships I already have. This week already one woman has asked me to meet with her biweekly for spiritual accountability and I have to give some sort of schedule for the fall to the woman I am already mentoring. This morning my librarian boss at school asked me (again) to sign on as a substitute teacher so she can use me when she is absent. Last year I told her no, but we live in Alaska and the cost of living is going to skyrocket when the cost of gas catches up with the retailers. Where do You want me to spend my time Lord? They are all important things but I cannot make them all a priority.

"This afternoon I was a stressed out mess as I applied for the sub position on line and tried to find out if I could jump through all the hoops to sub for Christine next week. It does not look like it is going to happen as quickly as she wants since there is an eight-hour class I have to take first and it is not available for another two weeks. Where am I going to fit an eight-hour class in? Two hours later, I am talking to the new worship team coordinator about what her desires are for a flute on worship team. She does not seem to know what she wants yet. I assured her that suited me just fine. A reprieve, I tell myself.

"I think the hardest part of seeking God in things like this is getting ahead of Him and taking matters into my own hands. Waiting on Him in theory is easy, but knowing when you have waited long enough and when it is time to act is another. God does not do many burning bushes anymore and I do not think that He is wild about soaking fleeces every night. I try to use my good judgment and hope (in the biblical sense) that I am following His leading and not just doing my own thing.

"I remember a saying I heard somewhere that God does not give us the strength to do the things He has not called us to do. As I think about this, I cannot help but respond: Great, so if I get this wrong and commit to something He did not call me to do, then I am sure to snap. God!!!!! Pleas do not let me commit to something that You do not want me to do and will require me to be committed later in the psychiatric sense.

"Philippians 4:6 almost seems to taunt me with the admonition not to be anxious. I don’t want to be anxious God I just want to order my life in a way that is pleasing to You and not crack up in the process. I have prayed about it, but I cannot seem to hear You above the screaming demands for my time. Help me only hear You God!

"More verses pops into my mind Proverbs 16:3: “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Then, Proverbs 16:9: “In his heart, a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” (New International Version (NIV), Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.) OK Lord, I think I have done that. Do I just trust my judgment and assume You are indeed ordering my steps? This is scary. But here it goes. Oh, and God, please don’t let me snap."

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Member Comments
Member Date
Laury Hubrich 09/12/08
Sounds like you are living a typical life there in Alaska:) You were a weak on the topic but I love the prayer at the end:)