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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Patience (08/21/08)

TITLE: Something Better
By Daniel Teague
08/26/08


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We had been out here for two days and the pressure was starting to get to me. As the warm sun began to rise, and the crickets began to retreat, I could finally hear myself think. There was not too much excitement from yesterday and all I could think about is what would happen in the days to come. When the warmth of the sun hit my face and the morning breeze caught my back, I raised my head to see what Russ wanted to do. He looked at me with a gentle grin and simply said, "Not yet."

Yesterday was exciting, but not a good day. My body felt so many different emotions. I was timid, anxious, excited, and scared. It was my first day out with Russ and I was ready to put into action what I had been training for since, well forever! . We walked through the woods for hours, and when we finally made it to a clearing just beyond the Jackson Ridge, we had to sit. Every so often I would catch a glimpse of some quail or dove on the ridge’s edge, but Russ wouldn't budge. I didn't seem to understand. I was ready to take charge and do what I came to do, but I had to wait. That was the day. Just sitting. Waiting. Apparently Russ was waiting for something else. Something better. And I couldn’t quite put my finger on it; or at least I think that is the analogy they use....

I sat watching the ants crawl around on my feet. Occasionally I would brush one off, but it wasn’t much of a bother as much as it was an action of boredom. It was almost noon now. We had been sitting in the same spot for hours which was beginning to make my bottom go numb; but then, like a flash of lightning, the atmosphere changed drastically. Before I knew it, Russ was out of his chair rushing towards the tall grass right before the ridge line. He crouched low, but maintained his steady jog. I didn’t quite know how to react, so I just followed with the hopes of some instruction of what I should do. I stayed low because I suspected that since Russ was low he didn’t want us to be seen.

Finally Russ came to stop and sat up on his knees. I stood next to him waiting. Waiting for any suggestion of what I should do. My bottom had that sharp tingling feeling from the run over as it slowly got its feeling back. Russ stood up slowly, and I became real tense. I looked to my North and I saw an amazing creature. It was some sort of bird, but the tail was magnificent. Russ whistled at it, and it became real still. He raised, what he called his 12 Gauge, but who knows what that means, and took a steady aim. With one smooth motion with his hand, fire blew out of the end, and I watched the creature take off. Russ looked at me with a smile on his face and said, “Let’s go get ‘em boy.” I took off following after the creature. It tried to fly, but it seemed to be impaired. I followed its scent until I came up on it lying next to the brush. It was motionless. I quickly took it up and held it in my mouth. Russ was about a hundred yards off when I got it. He slowed from his run, and knelt down beside me.

“Boy she sure is a beaut! Looks like we’ll be having a fine turkey dinner! You did well Tuck. Good boy!” And with a good pat on the head, he stood up with the look of a proud father on his face. Excitement rushed through my body. I even forgot that I had the, so called, Turkey in my mouth. Russ had to say “give” on five different occasions before I realized what was going on.

The sun had just begun to set, and the crickets started to come back out to play their music once again. I sat with my head staring out the window as we drove back to camp and all I could think about was that Russ was right. Good things do come to those who wait; and as I looked over at Russ, that same gentle grin affirmed to me that it did.


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This article has been read 284 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Catrina Bradley 08/28/08
Love it! Superb job of keeping the POV a surprise till the end, and it made me grin when it became clear. Great job putting the reader in the middle of the scene with your descriptions of the surroundings and the actions. Excellent entry!!
LauraLee Shaw08/29/08
Wow, this is excellent. Great use of dialogue and an enjoyable, smooth read. Well done.
Dan Blankenship 09/01/08
Excellent. I remember reading a novel called Fluke when I was younger. It was about a man's mind trapped in a dog's body. This reminded me of that.

Very good!

Should be top ten for sure!


May God bless.

Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship
Glynis Becker 09/01/08
Great job! I didn't get it right away and had to read it again...which was definitely not a bad thing :)
Valarie Sullivan09/02/08
Good job! I really liked this story. Good depiction of waiting for the unknown!
Betsy Markman09/02/08
Good work! I knew the MC was a dog from the first paragraph, but that's probably only because I read so many "Dog POV" books as a kid.

Two paws up!