The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/30/08
Val is certainly acting like a 5-year-old, isn't she?

This might benefit from some further editing for punctuation and run-on sentences, that sort of thing.

Keep writing--you're on the right track, and in the right place!
08/31/08
This feels quite realistic. Would have loved to hear how this resolved more - did Valerie learn the lesson? Just my opinion, though.
Good read.
08/31/08
I like your feisty main character. Poor Mom! Watch you tenses. I feel hopeful for the characters in the story. Keep writing.
09/01/08
Not bad at all!

A few minor errors:

"to" should be "too" in one spot.

And "desert" should be "dessert".


I proofread everything I write three times and then have someone else proofread it.

It's a good habit to get into.

May God bless!

Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship

P.S. I cannot stand train rides; they are bumpy, boring, and full of stops.

:-)

I would have opted for a long drive, too.